More then just an idea.

Some recent experiences have lead me to the understanding that just enjoying and entertaining the idea of a relationship with God, without the whole hearted commitment to abandon myself to him leaves me in a constant contradiction.  How long have I toyed with God, doing what I can to make sure he stays interested in me?  Pleasing God with the hopes he won’t ask or demand more from me.  And I have done this to him for years, and it caught up with me in one heartbreaking experience.
 

I think the first problem I encounter is my love for things God never intended for me to enjoy.  The things God made available for us to choose, so that he would also be a choice, and I have chosen so many of these other options that my life is absolutely full of things that occupy me and have little or nothing to do with God.  And inversely God has very little say in my life and I have very little profit in serving Him.

God wants us to experience “the true joy of marriage with our maker”(blue like jazz 95). Isn’t this what Jesus meant when he said I came to give you life, and life to the fullest?  Doesn’t the bible refer to us as his bride?  How can we have a relationship with God that isn’t very demanding?  He lets us get away with so much, our adulterous hearts and our selfish lifestyles.  But he never ever ever said “walk all over me, squander my love, give me nothing but the minimal amount of respect and time that you feel like fitting into your life.”  A relationship with God then, implies that at some point, or every point along the way, we will be pushed and prodded and loved into more and more until he has the right to call us his bride legitimately.